drunk love

I want to touch things I can't feel.

Wed, 09 Apr 2008 12:15:00 GMT

That's not me in the first picture - Isabelle and I switched names. In the second picture, I am the little tanned girl. Issy is the taller tanned girl.

Lulz @ how Chaynese I look.

Btw, ♥RyoYama♥ rec post coming soon!

I'm exactly where you want me to be.

Sun, 06 Apr 2008 06:37:56 GMT

I was feeling rather miserable today and I'm glad tearstreak was around to help me. I feel so much better now! And contrary to what I wanted to do previously, I'm going to stay on this journal. Even though this username has many resentments attached to it, I'm going to make some new, happier memories. I'll be afterthefray forever ♥

/sappy content over.

This is something that made me feel really happy (ironically, actually, once you get around to reading this) and I thought I'd share it with you guys. It's a crack fic written by my ex-classmate rapelips and it features my classmates from freshman and sophomore years.

Characters:
Cindorabelle - toukasa (Adorabelle)
Mother - me
Father - mannequinboy (Denise/Dennis)
Stepmother - avoidspace (Nishanti/Nishunty/Nini)
Firstborn - Anisha
Second-born - indianerthanyou (Amaris)

In a distant forest skimming the edge of a sandy cliff there was an intricately beautiful house which withstood the salty storms for years on end. In it lived the kind of people fairytales were made for, a family of three if you didn’t count the cooks and the gardeners and the cleaning staff.
The parents were an odd pair. They were close, but there were often squabbles and name-calling, and cross-dressing. Sometime or another the lady of the household got pregnant and she was excited because pregnancy issues fascinated her.
Her husband was supportive but a bit apprehensive, and when that happened she would say his name “Den-nis!” in a disapproving motherly voice.

When the child was born both parents adored it; it was a girl with porcelain skin and the black hair combed with starshine. Her mother called her a “meat snack” and her father pushed up his spectacles affectionately.
She was simply too adorable to be called a normal name like plain old “Sarah” or boring “Rachel”, and her parents decided on “Adorabelle” so that if not adored on first sight her namesake might prompt strangers to grovel down to their daughter like they ought to.

Life happened, and Adorabelle grew up a healthy, bright and slightly perverted child. Life would have continued happening in its delightful little fashion if not for a terrible summer during which Adorabelle’s beloved mother got a serious case of a new strain of virus called chickenpox which came from eating pork from pigs born in the year of the chicken.

For nights on end, Adorabelle knelt at her mother’s bed and wept as she watched chicken shaped sores spring up on her mother’s body. That night her mother wheezed her last words, “Bwok bwok geh!” and Adorabelle and Dennis hugged each other and cried and would remember those words for the rest of their miserable lives.

After the funeral the head of the household was never the same and without his one and only soul mate Dennis sought solace in polygamy and orgies.
During one of these orgies Dennis came upon his new wife. Her hairline was behind her ears and her tongue long enough to poke through one nostril and out the other, and she was ten times more muscular than Dennis.
She introduced herself as Neenee and said she had 2 children from a past marriage, but Dennis was past caring. He did not even care about the gender of his orgy-frequenters as long as they brought with them delicacies like trotters’ pudding and oyster jam.

With Adorabelle’s new hulking, balding, and burping mother came her two new stepsisters. One was conceived with a retired Bollywood actor and had eyelashes long enough to snare flies with, and the other conceived with a chi-chi portrait painter who had agreed to do a nude portrait of Nishunty for her hand in marriage. They were horrible and vain brats and Adorabelle spent all her time hating them with all her willpower.

The brats were telepathic and spoke fluent Hindi (the firstborn’s native tongue) and French (the second-born’s mother tongue) to baffle Adorabelle to no end.
The firstborn would piggyback her younger sister around Adorabelle’s room and the young anorexic sister liked to flail her legs around and smack Adorabelle with the Manolo Blahniks she bought with Adorabelle’s vitamin C money.
When they realized that complaining to their parents would not work (Dennis would stare blankly with glazed eyes and their stepmother would curl her hair around a stubby finger and sigh with her nose), the two scheming sisters decided to expand on their elaborate expansionist policies.

First they stole her wardrobe filled with the most beautiful clothes in the town, and then her vanity table so they could gaze at their reflections for hours on end while cooing compliments at each other.
Then all of a sudden both of them developed back problems and usurped her bed because it was ergonomically correct. Before long, most of Adorabelle’s possessions had been gleaned off and all she was left with was a tremendously ugly dress with pictures of strawberries and shortcakes.

Adorabelle bore it all, but the final straw came one day when Dennis was found dead in his bed he shared with his brawny wife, dead from over consumption of pig trotter pudding and physical exhaustion from a marathon orgy. But then, he’d been dead for a long time already, ever since he began to lose interest in the passive occurrence called life.

The young girl attended her second funeral, and immediately after the final prayers were uttered the widow announced new changes which would be implemented as soon as possible.
Due to the unexpected death of the main breadwinner of the household, the stepmother decided to do away with one or two things – mainly the cooks, the gardeners, and the cleaning staff.
And because my daughters are simply too magical and princessy for menial tasks, the stepmother grunted to Adorabelle, I suppose you’ll have to take over these tasks, it is what your father would have wanted. Adorabelle nodded numbly, and she hid her tears behind a trembling hand while her stepsisters hid identical smirks of triumph behind their silk fans.

As the years wore on the two sisters began to forgo piggy backs and silly games for boys and the latest carriage models, but they never lost their narcissist streaks. As the years wore on Adorabelle was banished first to the walk-in closet, then to the cellar, and then to the cinders where she sat after scrubbing the floors and washing the dishes and humming for the two sisters while they practiced some foreign bending exercises.
Before long, and no one really could remember when, she became so insignificant there was no need to use her name and no one did, for they had begun to call her a new name: Cindorabelle.

Sun, 06 Apr 2008 02:49:11 GMT

You've lost my trust in you completely.

Late night, talk this over.

Thu, 03 Apr 2008 11:12:38 GMT

I want to make a few things clear.

I'm okay. I'm over the whole thing. I'm happy ♥

So, how is everyone these days? ♥ ♥
I miss talking to you guys.

Speak up, speak up and keep my conscience clean.

Sun, 30 Mar 2008 02:58:52 GMT

Wireless Internet is wireless!

I can stalk people from my room now, kufufufu. Well, I can concentrate on my work better now since study table + stationery + homework + laptop with Interwebz = conducive environment. Somewhat.

Off to the doctor's now for my final check-up. If I get the all-clear, I can go back to school tomorrow.

My words are as timed as the beating in my chest.

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 10:41:26 GMT

I've provided a link to this song before, but I've never properly spazzed about it. Jasey Rae by All Time Low is probably mine and electricify's all-time favourite song. The lyrics are absolutely amazing and accurately reflect how I feel right now.

Also, the download link is for the acoustic version - it's infinitely better than the original version, trust me.

Download Jasey Rae.mp3

Lights out,
I still hear the rain,
These images that fill my head,
Now keep my fingers from making mistakes,
Tell my voice what it takes,
To speak up,
Speak up,
and keep my conscience clean when I wake.

Don't make this easy,
I want you to mean it,
Jasey (say you mean it)
You're dressed to kill,
I'm calling you out (don't waste your time on me)

Now there's an aching in my back;
a stabbing pain that says I lack
the common sense and confidence
to bring an end to promises
that I make in times of desperate conversation,
hoping my night could be better than theirs in the end.
Just say when.

Don't make this easy,
I want you to mean it,
Jasey (say you mean it)
You're dressed to kill,
I'm calling you out (don't waste your time on me)

I've never told a lie,
and that makes me a liar.
I've never made a bet,
but we gamble with desire.
I've never lit a match,
with intent to start a fire,
but recently the flames,
are getting out of control.
Call me a name,
Kill me with words,
Forget about me,
It's what I deserve,
I was your chance,
to get out of this town,
but I ditched the car,
and left you to

Wait outside.
I hope the air will serve to remind you
that my heart is as cold as the clouds of your breath,
and my words are as timed as the beating in my chest.

With the way things are going for me right now, it's probably unhealthy for me to let this song keep me constant company. But still...

If only I had the courage to say what these lyrics mean for me.

EDIT: Big thanks to raep_time for churning out chapter 16!

She makes all the world turn for her.

Wed, 26 Mar 2008 01:53:54 GMT

LOVE MEME

I was the light from the lamp on the floor and only as bright as you wanted me to be.

Mon, 24 Mar 2008 11:00:24 GMT

I've only got one week of Easter break left, and I haven't even touched my homework. For serious. I dumped them on my bedroom floor two weeks ago and they've only been moved recently by my mother because she got sick of the mess on my floor. Or rather by the fact that there is no floor in my room. I used to trip over everything when I needed to get up or get into bed. (This morning I woke up with the line "I hope the air serves to remind you my heart is as cold as the clouds of your breath" from this song thinking of a certain someone ಠ_ಠ Ahem.)

Yup, today was absolutely unproductive. I spent it sleeping, eating, prodding - but not scratching - my blisters, catching up with a bunch of animu and manga and trying to read Macbeth.

Also, meme I stole from needasunrise to make me feel like I actually accomplished something. Memes make me feel that way.

1. If I were a doll, the accessories packaged with me would be: I don't want to be a doll. But if I were, I'd probably be one of those ugly, cheap kinds but I hope not with the bad fake blond/red hair. I'd be packaged with cheap denim capris even though I never wear capris, mismatched wedge sandals even though I do not wear those either and a cheap-looking white button-up blouse. And I'd have irrationally long eyelashes plastered to my cheap, plastic forehead.

2. I have an irrational fear of: Growing up to be just like my parents.

3. What type of food do you eat at your grandparents' house? Homecooked Filipino food. Sometimes we have some Oriental and Western dishes.

4. What did you do yesterday? Sleep, eat, chat online, fight with my mom, reapply calamine lotion, watch TV, get mad at my dog and be depressed.

5. What would you do if you were stranded on an island with the person you hate most? Butcher her and feed her to random monkeys. Then the monkeys would hunt me down later, probably wanting to get more of where that chum came from and they'd end up killing and eating me. No problem, I never planned on keeping myself alive for rescue if that were ever the case.

6. What would you do if you found out you had been cheated on? Cry a lot because I can, get angry at him, then reason out the situation and... maybe dump the guy. If I could.

7. Do you stalk anyone on Myspace? I don't even have an account there. But Matthew Lush is a fun specimen.

8. I find the thought of childbirth: Absolutely wonderful and tragic.

9. Next door to my house is: A lonely apartment that's always dark and the only occupant I've seen is this portly Malay woman.

10. My feet are: Dry and in need of a pedicure.

11. Lyrics from the song you're listening too: If you could see the way you breathe, the oxygen is all you have.

12. Who is your number one Myspace friend? N/A.

13. Know how to cook? Yeah, just too lazy to. Also, I hate the taste of my own cooking, so I am always eager to give away what I cook. (Just ask private_part.)

14. I am annoyed with: My chicken pox.

15. What is the worst way you were dumped? He didn't dump me.

16. What child-related smell do you not like? Their sweat. Little kids sweating just has this smell... mildly musky and sour, but aromatic to some crazy people.

17. What sea creature scares you? Minnow fish >:

18. What color hair do most of the people you are around have? Black.

19. What object have you broken most recently? A rubber band. For my braces.

20. Name one of the Spice Girls: Scary Spice.

21. What was the last thing to make you cry? P.S. I Love You. Like, so much.

22. What are the stems on wine glasses for? To look sexy. I don't know, who likes fat, short wine glasses? That is so not posh. Also, I guess they resemble roses. The whole red and white wine thing... a euphemism to a certain atmosphere/situation/standing. Never mind if you don't get me. I'm just trying to get into my lit student mood.

23. My favorite shoes are: Chuck Taylors, bitches.

24. Can you use chopsticks? Shi. Means yes in Chinese.

25. Do you prefer beaches or forests? Beaches. I just love the feel of sand on skin. Dry sand and dry skin, mind you. Saltwater, stay away from me.

26. What serial killer do you find most disturbing? Hannibal Lecter? Okay, so he's not a serial killer. I don't know any. I remember watching this movie as a kid where two people were talking about a serial killer and there was a box of Kellog's cornflakes in the background. So I thought a serial killer had something to do with cereal and he came out of TVs if you ate cereal at any time other than breakfast. I got scared and didn't want to eat cereal anymore.

27. Who knows a secret or two about you? You?

28. Have you ever burned yourself? Yeah, just once, when I was four and I touched a hot iron. I was curious.

29. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now? I'm too boring to talk crap about.

39. Where is your sister right now? I don't have a sister. Unless you're talking about my beloved yuna_tulin who is... I don't know where she is.

40. Do you believe in things that last forever? The only thing that lasts forever is the innate nature to tire of things we already have.

41. What are you listening to? Spider Pig from The Simpsons Movie soundtrack.

42. What do you smell like? Calamine and bed.

43. Are you married? I've been divorced four times.

44. Does anyone regularly other than friends or family tell you they love you? There used to be someone else. I lost him.

45. What's the most confusing thing to you? The Singaporean mathematics syllabus.

46. Do you have any bad habits? Yeah.

47. Have you ever wanted to be a teacher? Hell no. Unless it was as a university lecturer, I'd sooner die than accept that occupation. (So I don't get students like me.)

49. What’s your favorite color? Grey.

50. Have you ever been stuck in an elevator? Almost. In second grade, I left to wait for the school bus at 5 in the morning and the lift suddenly stopped and things went dark for just a while. I was really scared because I thought I'd be late for the bus and the driver was a mean, scary, horrible man.

51. What does your dad call you? Patrish. Sometimes Sweetheart but that's happening less and less these days.

52. Are you a good person? Not in the religious or filial sense, but yeah, I'd like to believe I'm a good person.

53. What are you looking forward to? School starting again. Oh my.

Also, welcome, ricordi! ♥

SHARE MY FRIENDS MEME

Cool meme, Beth.

Do the bad thing; take off your wedding ring.

Sun, 23 Mar 2008 15:01:50 GMT

I don't remember being thirteen.

I mean, I know what happened the year I turned thirteen and the year it took for me to turn fourteen, but I never really acknowledged I was thirteen. And... fourteen went by so fast; far too fast. I think I was already fifteen in my head a long time before I actually reached that age. Even before I turned fifteen, I've been fifteen. I swear, fifteen is the longest, oldest age I've ever experienced. And I'm not even out of the woods yet.

Yeah, that's pretty much some unrelated musing. Umm, update on the chicken pox - it's starting to clear! The blisters on my face have gotten smaller and the other blisters have started swelling. They're gonna burst soon and turn into scabs and then they'll fade :D

There's this pretty big blister on my left thigh that looks like it'll pop any minute now. It's heart-shaped and for some reason, that makes me sad.

Next, update on the throat infection - still painful, but better than before, especially after I started taking some chicken soup. Eating and drinking are no longer hellish tasks.

Well, this entry felt awkward to write. Lulz.

Thu, 20 Mar 2008 10:13:17 GMT

✖ You are my...

They can only haunt you till the fever breaks.

Wed, 19 Mar 2008 03:30:50 GMT

I'm a real piece of work right now. My tan complexion has gone unusually pale and there are scary dark circles under my eyes. I have a throbbing headache, chills up my spine and zero appetite... I haven't eaten since about 2 p.m. yesterday. I totally skipped dinner and I slept right through breakfast. I managed to sweat the fever out last night, so I guess that's the only bonus.

I don't know how I feel right now... But everyone, thanks so much for what you said in the previous post. Every word means a lot to me ♥

I think I'll go back to my old school today... see my friends like toukasa, mannequinboy, indianerthanyou, electricify and many more... And maybe the canteen food I used to find so bland would offer me some comfort. I do kind of miss the food there :|

Hug my flower with your eyes.

Mon, 17 Mar 2008 07:30:22 GMT

I had a doctor's appointment scheduled at ten, but I had to wait nearly two hours before it was my turn and it wasn't even one of those free/cheap polyclinic places! It was one of those uber expensive specialist clinics normally only expats go to in Orchard Tower. I go there because my old skin doctor - one of those local dudes in the local clinics - sucked to the core. My mom got so pissed at him and his faulty prognoses that she actually became not stingy enough to send me to a real skin practitioner. Um, yeah. Forgive my strange tenses right now because I'm in a rush.

After my appointment, I went shopping and... and... THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS I WANT TO BUY! Well, okay, no. I bought a cute hoodie and a blue shirt today and I wanna buy this other black and white hoodie and this grey shirt. I need more clothes that actually make me look like a girl, not a (pregnant) blob monster since... I don't know why I was so into baggy clothes before.

Also, I've been staying out late at night a lot these days. Okay, no I'm not. That was just once on Friday with Shawn. But! Tonight I'm meeting Ryan and maybe Jing and other people from school at Bugis and I'll be out late again (because it's effing boring staying at home all the time). It was okay to come home late at my old place since it was a private compound with a guard and all, but I live in a public housing building now and... and... I might get mugged or raped if I come home late. I was lucky last Friday, but what about tonight? Oh no! Maybe I will wear the baggiest, most hideous outfit I have, but that might make the pervy men want to prey on me even more! (I blame mannequinboy for implanting this fear in me. She said the more modest you dress, the more... stuff you hide. Fantasy much?)

Pray I don't get raped and/or mugged tonight? ;_;

I've been moving in so slow.

Sun, 16 Mar 2008 15:19:24 GMT

I'm feeling really crappy right now. I don't want to go into the details, but I've been thinking too much again. I wish someone would take me out for a good time >:

Oh, and bedroom meme from midsummerdeath. My current room is pretty bare since I've been too lazy to unpack and decorate since we moved here a month ago... but my Oofuri calendar is up, so that's a plus.

Bed:
What color are your sheets? Lime green with multi-coloured polka dots. I'm not kidding.
What color is your comforter? Same as my bedsheets.
What size bed do you have? Super single, meaning I am often on the verge of falling/rolling off the bed whenever I sleep. Oh yeah, there's another bed which can be slid out from underneath mine.
One pillow or two? One, but I can't stand sleeping with my head on a pillow. I like flat surfaces, but I'm not welcoming the floor.
What do you sleep with on your bed? Umm. My security blanket? It's soft and it smells like love, whatever that means... I sleep with that wrapped around me with my comforter on top!
Do you make your bed? No, unless I'm in a super, super good mood (means my mom is overseas or did not scream first thing in the morning) or there are strangers/guests in the house.

What's in your room:
DVD player? No.
CD player? Yeah, an old crappy one I can barely even hear from the living room if I turned it up full blast.
Any game system? Do my Nintendo SD and DS count?
Computer? My laptop which is... neglected.
Any animals? My dog? Well, she doesn't technically stay in my room, but she sleeps where I sleep most of the time. She is clean! Do not worry.
Any trophies or awards? All my trophies and certificates are currently packed away somewhere secret.

Other:
How many windows? Two side by side with grilles. I feel caged in my own room and I am ignoring the happy fact that you can actually slide the grilles, meaning I can get an un-obscured view.
Is your room messy or clean? Messy! Do you remember my old room from the picture meme? Heh.
Do you have any cool lights or lamps? Zilch. But there's this really, really bright light under the shelves above the study table... which I might use for the whole "studious mugger" effect if I ever feel nerdy enough. Oh, and I have a standing lamp which was bought eons ago (I told my mom I'm more hardworking under orange light. Um, I don't know why I said that then) but I never use. Except to dump things on, like ornaments and stuffed animals.
Do you have any cool chairs or bean bags? I've always wanted a beanbag... but I've got two of those swivel chair things. That's cool, Y/Y?
What color is your carpet? There is no carpet because I will only let it collect dust and trip on it. I used to have a blue one, though...
Do you have any rugs? No. What's the difference between a carpet and a rug anyway? I guess a carpet sounds more posh and... rectangular?
Do you have a phone in your room? No. Only one home phone and my own cellphone, which is failing on me already and I just got it last October!
What is on your nightstand? I don't have a nightstand, but there's this built-in table thing behind my bed so I use that as a nightstand. It's got magazines, my laptop, medication, cosmetic mirror, tweezers, cellphone and laptop chargers and uh, that's where I put my glasses when I sleep. Yup.
Are there any pictures of you and your friends up? No D: My old room had a fair bit of them on the walls, though... I don't think I'll be putting any up anytime soon. Most of the pictures I have with friends are from really long ago, like grade school, and I was really fat and ugly back then. DO NOT WANT to be reminded of that just when I've started feeling confident about my looks!

I'm craving Subway again. And I just had some yesterday... Hmm, and I feel like eating donuts. Preferably the kind with pink icing. Ohhh, and I want to bake again so badly, but my mom hasn't bought an oven for our new place yet.

Y vos solamente contame la verdad.

Sat, 15 Mar 2008 10:40:24 GMT

This whole day, I've been so bored I want to cry! I guess that's what rather long, seemingly pointless memes exist for...

From electricify.

COBRA STARSHIP

Gabe Saporta:
[ ] You speak Spanish.
[ ] Own a purple/red American Apparel Hoodie.
[ ] You can sing.
[x] You have a lot of shoes.
[ ] You don't eat meat.
[ ] You were born in October.
[ ] You're Jewish
Total: 1

Ryland Blackinton:
[ ] You are abnormally tall.
[x] You can play guitar.
[ ] You DISLIKE sidekicks.
[x] You like aquariums.
[ ] Hannah Montana is your guilty pleasure.
[ ] Your name is in the title of a song.
[ ] You are from Massachusetts
Total: 2

Alex Suarez:
[ ] You like to cook.
[ ] You can play the bass.
[x] You dislike the rain.
[ ] You were born in April.
[x] You've been told you smell good.
[x] You love Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.
Total: 3

Vicky-T:
[ ] You wear dresses often.
[ ] You were born in January.
[ ] You are part British.
[ ] You can play the keytar.
[x] You have a cute dog.
[ ] You've dyed your hair many different colors.
Total: 1

Nate Novarro:
[x] You're short.
[ ] You like wearing flip flops.
[ ] You play drums.
[ ] You've killed a goldfish (purposely or accidentally).
[ ] You have a nose piercing.
[ ] You wear headbands often.
Total: 1

Look up and see who you have most for
You Are: Alex Suarez (If only I can dance like him.)

Yanked from tearstreak.

People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blogs and replace any question they dislike with a new question formulated by themselves. ~~Tag 8 people. Those who are tagged cannot refuse. These 8 people must state who they were tagged by. You cannot tag the person who tagged you. Continue this game by sending this to 8 other people.~~

1. You have 50 dollars in your pocket what do you do with it?
Finger it regularly and feel inappropriately rich.

2. What is your most guilty pleasure?
Playing Diablo II.

3. Have you ever seen someone die?
I've seen people who just died, but never seen them in the process of it.

4. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?
Always; I know there's nothing but confusion but I tend to detach myself from everything and pretend it does not exist.

5. Where do you see yourself in five years?
Hopefully in a semi-prestigious university not in wretched Singapore.

6. Name a personal hero.
Mrs Ng, my literature teacher from MGS.

7. What one possession do you value the most?
My wallet and everything in it.

8. If you could eliminate any type of insect from the world, what would it be?
COCKROACHES! Or locusts. No, no, cockroaches are still worse.

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy recently?
Yes :(

10. What do you want most in life?
Security.

11. Which of the 7 Deadly Sins do you think you relate to the most & why?
Sloth, hands down.

12. Do you go to bed before or after midnight?
Before midnight most of the time.

13. Are you content with life right now?
No, but I daren't complain. Who knows what fate and karma will do to me?

14. What kind of person do you think you are?
A very patient one.

15. Do you believe there is nothing higher than human kind?
No. The human race is flawed and doomed and our death is inevitable; we are most definitely not the superior race.

16. Which fictional character could you most see yourself marrying?
Someone like Mike Carden... Really.

17. If you could have any music group play at your birthday party, who would it be?
Cobra Starship for sure.

18. Do you have a motto? If yes which one?
I'm sorry, I'm still trying to decide which path to take and what shoes to wear for whichever one I end up walking.

19. What type of friends do you like?
Whoever I can click with. Doesn't matter if it's a bitch or a bimbo.

20. Do you have an all time favorite song?
So Contagious by Acceptance.

And here's the meme I've always wanted to do but dreaded to answer... for strange reasons... Stolen from _cherrywolf_ and tearstreak.

ABOUT YOU / YOUR JOURNAL

1. What is your LiveJournal username? How did you come up with it?
afterthefray. I'd like to think there's some philosophical meaning behind this, like a hope for the future, because when I created this account I was at the lowest point in my life. Like you know, I was wishing for happiness after I settle my inner demons or something, but the truth is that I was discussing what my username ought to be with a friend of mine and we sidetracked... we ended up talking about the band The Fray and I was just, what the hell, let's go with the literal meaning. So, uh, afterthefray was born!

2. Have you renamed before? If so, what were your old names? If you haven't renamed, what names would you want to rename to?
Nome, too stingy to rename. Even if I thought of a superbly awesome username I'd like to move to, I don't think I could ever give up my pet name, Fray. *rubs against f-list's legs and purrs*

3. How much does your userinfo say about you?
Not much at all! Or maybe a lot if the person looking knows who my friends are and what kind of communities I'm part of.

4. How long have you been on LiveJournal?
Exactly one year, though I didn't really start using my journal until the end of November last year.

5. What is the longest amount of time you've gone without posting?
Hmm, four or five days.

6. On average, how many entries do you post per day? (Divide how many total entries you have by how many days you've been on LJ.)
Usually just one entry a day, but when I'm really bored I go up to two or three.

7. What are your posts normally about?
RL or fandom stuff. Mostly RL... like school and my sucky parents.

8. Is your LiveJournal friends only? Why or why not?
It's not friends-only because if it were, my stalker of a brother would make an account and like, pretend to be someone else so I'd befriend him on LJ. Then when I see him, he'll spew all my secretsss and embarrass me. Or something.

9. Does your LiveJournal have an actual title or are you merely USER @ LiveJournal?
The title at the moment is 11:11 just struck. They're lyrics from the song Let's Get Married by Archie Star.

10. How long do you see yourself staying on LiveJournal?
Forever! I hope.

ABOUT YOUR FRIENDSLIST

11. How many people are on your mutual friendslist, not counting private journals, media journals, etc?
Fifty-eight.

12. Why do you choose to add a person to your friendslist?
If I know the person IRL or if I got to know them over comment spamming and I decided that I like them. Also, through fandom friending memes :)

13. Is your friendslist an actual list of people you consider friends, or more of a reading list?
I consider most people on my f-list as my friends ♥

14. How often do you read your friendslist?
Every day, even though I don't comment sometimes.

15. Do you use filters when viewing your friendslist?
No, but I think I should start.

16. How much do you talk to people on your friendslist off of LiveJournal?
A LOT. BUT I'M NOT COMPLAINING!

17. Do you do friendscuts? Why or why not?
Yeah... because people change and the thing about LJ is that it's not so personal and hurting when you cut someone. It's easy to forget.

18. Do you regularly participate in friending memes? If not, how do you normally find people to friend?
I've only participated in three... got a lot of friends from there. Umm, I lurk in fandoms and try and get to know one or two of the people I see posting regularly.

19. How often do you add new friends to your friendslist?
About once a month, especially since so many of my RL friends are getting LJ now.

20. Do your friends have to have things in common with you?
Of course.

ABOUT YOUR ICONS / USERPICS

21. How many userpics do you get maximum? How many of those slots do you actually use?
I only have 15 slots and 14 of them are used right now.

22. Do you mostly use icons made by yourself or by others?
I can't make an icon for the life of me.

23. Do you have your own icon community? How often do you post in it?
Nada!

24. What fandoms are most frequently seen in your userpics?
FBR bandom, Oofuri, KHR and celebs linked with inside jokes between electricify and I.

25. How do you find icons to use?
I look through the icon posts in the communities I'm watching.

26. How often do you upload new icons to use in your userpics?
I probably change my icons every month or so.

27. Which of your userpics do you use the most?

28. Which of your userpics do you like the most?

29. The old minimum number of userpics was three. Could you see yourself "surviving" on three userpics now?
*pretends the question did not exist*

30. What do your userpics say about you?
I like boys and cute girls.

ABOUT YOUR FANDOMS

31. How many fandom communities are you a part of?
Like, 8?

32. Do you join fanfic or icon communities or only the general communities?
All.

33. How many fandom communities do you moderate?
Umm, is blushing_knight considered a fandom community? If so, then I'm the main mod.

34. How often do you check fandom communities for new posts?
If I see them when I do my daily f-list reading, then I see them.

35. Do you contribute to fandom? If so, by way of what?
In my head I contribute.

36. Which fandoms are you most active in?
Only Oofuri at the moment.

37. What do your choice of fandoms say about you?
I'm a perverse romantic.

38. Do you make friends based on fandom?
Yeah.

39. Have you ever read (or been featured on) fandom_wank?
N-no... I think I'll go check it out, though...

40. What is one thing you wish you could change about fandom?
Better grammar everywhere please?

Music is my boyfriend.

Sat, 15 Mar 2008 04:24:47 GMT

(See my icon of Danny Noriega? electricify made it after "introducing" me to this Idol contestant. He's so freaking pretty I had to question my own femininity!)

I ended up staying out with Shawn until 11 in the evening. We were just talking; he's a lot of fun to be with and he's so easy to be around. Well, we're actually very alike - I'm like the female him and he's the male me. The movie we watched was pretty nice, but not tear-jerking.

Oh, and I got tagged by tearstreak... not really, I just wanted to do this meme.

1. list your top five favorite musical artists (in no particular order!).
2. list your top five favorite songs from each artist.
3. tag five people to do the same

I put download links (box.net) with thirty-second previews for songs I couldn't find the full versions of on Imeem.

Angels & Airwaves
Tom DeLonge's (blink-182) new band. Their genre is alternative/punk, but I like them for their mellow sounds and somewhat cheesy, but cute, lyrics ♥ The repetition might annoy some people, but I like it. Ahahaha.

Download True Love

Download Call To Arms

Download Love Like Rockets

Download Secret Crowds

Download It Hurts

Cobra Starship
I love them to death. I can't stand skipping a single song of theirs and I had a hard time choosing which five to share with you guys. Anyway, they're considered a punk/dance band and I knew nothing about them prior to seeing them live last August. I fell in love with them right there.

Download Bring It (Snakes On A Plane)

Download The Ballad of Big Poppa And Diamond Girl

Download Send My Love to the Dancefloor, I'll See You In Hell

Download Smile For The Paparazzi

Download The World Has Its Shine

Death Cab for Cutie
The happiest emo/alternative band ever, 'nuff said.

Download I Will Follow You Into The Dark

Download Your Heart Is An Empty Room

Download Someday You Will Be Loved

Download Summer Skin

Download What Sarah Said

+44
You can tell I was a blink-182 fan... Anyway, this is Mark Hoppus and Travis Barker's (the remaining two-thirds of blink-182) new band. They're alternative rock/pop and the lyrics are absolutely haunting. To me, at least, because it felt like they were written about me. I'm not being egoistic; the lyrics just fall into my life like perfect puzzle pieces.

Download When Your Heart Stops Beating

Download Weatherman

Download Baby Come On

Download Make You Smile

Download Lillian

The Rocket Summer
Hmm, this is a sort of one-man band - it's pretty much all Bryce Avary. I swear, he can play every single instrument out there. The songs are very upbeat and fall into the category of alternative rock.

Download Do You Feel

Download Around The Clock

Download Show Me Everything You've Got

Download I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get

Download So Much Love

I tag moviemarathon, joyfacedown, electricify, afterburn and yukitsu (I know she doesn't have the time, but I'm just so curious about her taste in music, dammit!)

Also, Charles Ross is coming to Singapore! He'll be staging a one-hour, one-man play of The Star Wars Trilogy and I wanna go so badly! Who'll come with me?

I want someone provocative and talkative, but it's so hard when you're as shallow as a shower.

Fri, 14 Mar 2008 04:17:17 GMT

✿✿My White Day Sweetheart is Abe Takaya✿✿

Happy White Day! ♥

Hmm, should I be expecting gifts today? I didn't really get anything for Valentine's, but I gave roses to mannequinboy, toukasa and electricify. Ufufu, time to give me something in return? Buying me my favourite chocolates (now you have to figure out what they are) would do, but I'd much prefer some RyoYama pr0n or Ryland/Carden band slash. Yes, I'm looking at you, Alyssa.

Ian's still busy at work. I haven't heard from Ryan in a while and my MG friends are all so terribly busy. I guess I'll go shopping on my own today. I'm meeting up with Shawn later when he gets off work to watch August Rush. I'll be happy to see him again, but what kind of questions would he ask about you-know-what? ;s;

Jealousy is the cousin of greed.

Thu, 13 Mar 2008 11:31:45 GMT

When I was still in MGS, I often woke up, panicked, in the wee hours of the morning due to nightmares and there were nights I was too afraid to even sleep. Ever since I started at SJII, I haven't been dreaming at all. Every night has been comfortably dark and peaceful. But since the holidays started, I've been plagued by weird dreams! I get like, three to five of them every night. And here are the ones I can remember:

1. rainy_takako applying to my school. Well, I don't know how she looks like but I saw her name on an application form to my school; in my dream she was a 28-year-old woman who couldn't graduate from college after ten years and thought that the problem lay in her lack of high school foundation... and uh, she wanted to apply for twelfth grade. Wtf? I'M SORRY, TAKA-SAN! I CAN'T CONTROL WHAT I DREAM ABOUT! (I've also dreamt of yukitsu... it involved hills, mailboxes and long-haired Chinese men.)

2. I predicted Mr Seow's death, and later dreamt about his death. It was shocking, horrific and terribly realistic. I wasn't sure if it was real or not for a long time after waking up.

3. I got pregnant. Again. I didn't know who the father was this time around, though. It was a stressful experience.

4. My dog got pregnant. And I renamed her Juno. I sewed her a frilly pink little apron with JUNO stitched on the front in red.

5. A teacher threatened to expel me for making it too obvious that I'm involved with a male student in class. Um, okay.

Our days were numbered by nights on too many rooftops.

Sun, 09 Mar 2008 02:26:02 GMT

Oh, my gosh. This is horrible. I got the link from an e-mail littledoggyz sent me... I don't recommend watching the whole video; just the first few seconds is fine. I feel really, really sad knowing about this, but it's something that people should be aware about.

Umm, so. Vacation has officially started, but instead of having fun, I think I want to study and finish unpacking my things. I'll go on a little hiatus from Livejournal. Can't say when I'll be back. yuna_tulin and starlighter from oofurichallenge, IM me, okay?

Lastly, meme from rainbloom.

1. Reply to this post, and I will pick three of your icons.
2. Make a post (including the meme info) and talk about the icons I chose.
3. Other people can then comment to you and make their own posts.
4. This will create a never-ending cycle of icon squee. Whoo!

(Since I'll be leaving for a while, I might not be able to pick icons for people who comment the day after I made this entry. Orz.)

Ufufufu, this is toukasa-related! We're big RyoYama fans and she was feeling really stressed about exams and stuff and school, so we did, uh, a little role playing? Well, I don't think it really counted because we never stuck to being Ryohei or Yamamoto. Mmm, conversation ended with "Let's go to Koushien together!" and then I found this icon. Perfect! ♥

T-there is no backstory for this. It was just so cute I had to take it.

I love TajiMiha, and at one point, liked it more than AbeMiha. I think this icon shows a different side of their relationship... Tajima's serious, intense side maybe? Mihashi's ceased apprehension upon knowing what he wants? Ufufufu, speculate.

Don't be so scared, it's harder for me.

Sat, 08 Mar 2008 01:10:00 GMT

♥ AND HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL? ♥

Why do you speak with an accent? Everyone knows you're not from the streets.

Mon, 03 Mar 2008 15:35:46 GMT

The clock has stopped at exactly 6:27. You know it can never tell you the real time but you stare at it anyhow, silently wishing that the seconds trickling by would be reflected on its face. The little green hand doesn't move. You imagine it does, for a second, but it never gets past the number twelve upon which it froze kissing. And even if you blink, you can see that the hand moves backwards - an impossible feat, yet perhaps feasible if you were to be honest with yourself.

The hand never touches the number eleven.

I've been lying to everyone. I'm not okay.

Please, please tell me, 'cause I need to know, I need to know now.

Fri, 29 Feb 2008 13:07:48 GMT

I need some considerable cheering up.

Spam me with your favourite lyrics and quotes? ♥

In your eyes, I can't find you.

Sun, 24 Feb 2008 14:11:59 GMT

I am never going to watch another chick flick again. Or at least, not for a long while.

P.S. I Love You made me cry so much. Even though I've already read the book and stuff... I personally think the movie was better than the novel. I was crying at those movie trailers before the film started, actually - the August Rush one made me cry. Did you notice, electricify? Lulz.

We also watched Jumper after that... Eh, why do I keep watching action flicks when I don't really like them? But it's okay; this one was cool and halfway through, I had this sudden urge to ship Griffin and David. They're cool like that.

Unrelated but... I miss everyone. My RL and LJ friends too. Make me kwento nga. Ergo, tell me stories ♥

EDIT: Meme from taiyoukailady.

1. Open your music library
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie

Opening Credits: Sugar, We're Goin' Down - Fall Out Boy

Waking Up: Broken - Seether

First Day At School: The Ballad Of Big Poppa And Diamond Girl - Cobra Starship

Falling In Love: Lala - Ashlee Simpson

Fight Song: Yes, Even Stars Break - The Scene Aesthetic

Breaking Up: Writing To Reach You - Travis

Prom: True Love - Angels & Airwaves

Life: Blue Sky - Hale

Mental Breakdown: Believe Me, I'm Lying - Forever The Sickest Kids

Driving: Jumping Rooftops - Angels & Airwaves

Flashback: Yule Shoot Your Eye Out - Fall Out Boy

Wedding: Someday You Will Be Loved - Death Cab for Cutie

Birth of Child: Catch My Fall - Katy Rose

Final Battle: Time After Time - Saosin

Death Scene: Lillian - +44 (that is absolutely depressing... because that's my mother's name.)

Funeral Song: Handcuffs - Brand New

End Credits: Get You In - Better Than Ezra

If only you knew...

Fri, 22 Feb 2008 23:46:38 GMT

I'll post the answers to the movies no one could guess (in reference to the last post, of course.)

7. "While I was in the service even my dog ran away with some mutt. My Yorkshire Terrier. Bitch." - My Sassy Girl

10. "What colour underwear am I wearing?"
"You're not wearing any underwear." - Hitman

I've been going back and forth SJI every day since Monday. My dad accompanied me on the first day and even from afar, he recognized the statue of St. La Salle perched on the school building. He said something along the lines of, "Oh, shit. You'll be a Lasallian."

I am not sure what he means. Since he was a Lasallian himself and all.

So I submitted my admission papers on Tuesday, sat for the placement test and interview on Wednesday, and on Thursday, I got a call from the admissions officer there saying I aced the test and congratulations, I am now a student of SJI International. After collecting the necessary documents, I spent my last day of school skipping classes to settle the necessary paperwork for my transferral.

I said goodbye to my counselor - she closed my ten-month old file in her office, at last - but I haven't cleared therapy for depression yet. I hope I won't continue to be depressed in SJII. Which is one of the reasons why I left MGS in the first place.

I tried saying goodbye to everyone, but I couldn't bring myself to even wave farewell to those I'm not close to. After school, the whole secondary three cohort went to Sentosa for a field trip and we screamed and camwhored like never before. (I finally got a few pictures with Adberz for moviemarathon.) On the bus back to school, Nishanti was quiet the whole ride. I think she was trying not to cry.

I got a lot of hugs from all my friends and I even kissed toukasa (who almost cried, I suppose) on the cheek. I kissed Lina too... I conveniently forgot that she said she was saving her first kiss - one even on the cheek - for a boy. Anyway, I guess she was too caught up in the sentimentality to notice because she kissed me back too.

mannequinboy was mad at me for a while, I'm guessing. But finally, at the end of the day when she was about to be picked up by her dad... I don't know. She mellowed down enough to show affection in the form of patting me. Eh, that's good enough coming from her, I guess.

indianerthanyou and I went to Holland Village for dinner. After much contemplation looking at restaurants and menus out in the rain, we finally settled for good old Subway. It was nice, talking to her like that after what seemed like ages. I didn't get to say goodbye properly though, since my bus was there when we reached the bus stop. But we both have the feeling that, ironically enough, now that we'll be in different school we'll have more time to see each other. We can talk more and stuff.

I hardly felt sad or lonely the whole day. I thought about lots of things, about how this was my last this or that or the last time I would walk this way with everyone else... but it wasn't until I was on the bus home - the first time I was truly alone - that I realised how much I'd really, really miss my friends. Especially electricify, because talking to her online is not the same as talking to her in person, which is way funner. I'd like to see mannequinboy more often too, but she's so hard to ask out because she hates shopping and that's what we usually end up doing with our friends. How about hitting the arcade sometime? It's been a while since we teamed up for a shooting game or played air hockey or even foosball.

Let's all go to the beach again soon, okay?

Also, this was a video Salazoo and Adberz kept parodying. I hear rapelips and private_part can do this really well.

Also, happy, happy birthday to Joyce & Joyce! (moviemarathon and joyfacedown) I have a classmate who was born on February 22 and she's also a twin. And she knows another pair of twins who were born on this day, too!

EDIT: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO rainbloom TOO! ♥

We're so miserable and stunning.

Wed, 20 Feb 2008 12:55:08 GMT

I want to do this meme :B

1. Pick 15 of your favourite movies.
2. Go to IMDb and find a quote from each movie.
3. Post them here for everyone to guess.
4. Strike it out when someone guesses correctly, and put who guessed it and the movie.
5. NO GOOGLING/using IMDb search or other search functions.

I don't usually remember movies I watch... so most of what I consider favourites are probably recent ones. Or terribly childish.

1. "You're getting older, and you'll see that life isn't like your fairy tales. The world is a cruel place. And you'll learn that, even if it hurts." - Pan's Labyrinth (mannequinboy)

2. "A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti." - The Silence of the Lambs (aflyingteapot & electricify)

3. "I'm not questioning your powers of observation I'm merely remarking upon the paradox of asking a masked man who he is." - V For Vendetta (aflyingteapot)

4. "That is just not true! God! Every person in this town bends over backward to make Bianca feel at home." - Lars And The Real Girl (electricify)

5. "Sally, I think I'll buy the flowers myself." - The Hours (aflyingteapot & mannequinboy)

6. "I'm sorry my sister turned your parents into pigs, but there's nothing I can do." - Spirited Away (toukasa)

7. "While I was in the service even my dog ran away with some mutt. My Yorkshire Terrier. Bitch."

8. "I pledge allegiance... to the band... of Mr. Schneebly... and will not fight him... for creative control... and will defer to him on all issues related to the musical direction of the band." - School of Rock (dynastic)

9. "Demons exist whether you believe in them or not." - The Exorcism of Emily Rose (shakespearebled)

10. "What colour underwear am I wearing?"
"You're not wearing any underwear."

11. "...when you look in her eyes and she's looking back in yours... everything... feels... not quite normal. Because you feel stronger and weaker at the same time. You feel excited and at the same time, terrified." - Spider-Man (shakespearebled)

12. "Hold me, like you did by the lake on Naboo; so long ago when there was nothing but our love. No politics, no plotting, no war." - Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith (electricify)

13. "Release us."
"Bad idea. Very handy in a tight spot, these lads, despite the fact they're dead." - Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (padoopadoop)

14. "When I was eight, my dad had me get a circumcision to minimalize air resistance." - Blades of Glory (sharn_thiru)

15. "I was the boy in the palace - the one who opened the wall. She's the real thing, Vlad." - Anastasia (electricify)

2 out of 3 ain't bad.

Wed, 20 Feb 2008 10:45:54 GMT

Let's talk about the placement test first.

It... wasn't hard at all, actually. It was a one-and-a-half hour paper split into three parts: English, Mathematics and Science. There was an English passage on the ironies of childhood and adulthood and eight comprehension questions + summary. I was impressed, actually, since the questions weren't that straightforward and actually required a level of analysis. Math was, thankfully, alright. There were only four questions, a few being multi-part, but I survived it. I managed to answer all of them except for number 4 since it was taken out of our syllabus last year. Meaning I never learned how to answer such a question. Anyway, I double-checked and even worked backwards to make sure my answers were right. I DID GOOD. Or the Math was too easy... meh, probably with the level of math in my school. Plus, my class does a curriculum 40% harder than mainstream. Which would possibly explain my bad grades even though I'm not that stupid.

Last part - science. Just one question, essay-like. I had to describe an experiment I did recently, the aims, results, etc. I talked about the plasmolysis experiment during Biology two weeks ago.

Lastly, the interview. I felt like an ass during the interview because I did more talking than the principal... Idk, I feel like an asshole when I spend so much time talking about myself. I'm really more interested in other people, though I tend to come off otherwise. Anyway, he seemed pretty impressed with my grades, records and said I did well for the test. He said I definitely have a place here, though I have to wait for the formal call stating my acceptance. I'm going back to MGS tomorrow, and I don't think I can wait until the bell rings at 2:20 p.m. to call the admissions officer. I'll probably use the pay phone during recess. Uhihihi.

Um, other things. On the bus home, there was this weird man sitting at the very front staring at the rest of the people. He was fat, had a mustache and wore huge spectacles. He looked like a pedophile. He was so creepy! I wanted to point at him and scream, "THERE'S A PEDOPHILE ON THE BUS, EVERYONE OUT!" because only students were aboard. I didn't want to look at him, but the pedo-smile was so disturbing you just had to stare. I accidentally made eye contact with him and he frowned. He frowned at me!

A little while later when I went to King Albert Park to meet up with indianerthanyou (Amaris), Ainiah and Anisha, I found out that that creepy man is actually quite notorious. We were talking about SJII, which led to SJI and inevitably to Viren, this fifteen-year-old boy we always gossip about because he's just like that and we're girls from an all-girls' school, duh. Anyway, that pedo-man is always, always on the bus around the time school lets out and he smiled so intensely at Viren, he cried once. He only looks at boys in uniforms, so that's why he was offended when he saw me. Or something. Oh, and let me tell you what's so special about that bus and that pedo - the bus route stops at RI, CJC, SJII, SJI, Hwa Chong - they're boys' schools, except for SJII and CJC, which are co-ed.

That guy... jerks off on little school boys. Creepy.

I'm... rambling. Dazed and tired, I guess. I was grinning like a maniac while I was doing the test, and I was grinning on my way out of the principal's office. I guess my happy energy is all used up now. I want to watch animu. But no, I can't. The speakers are missing and I don't know where to plug in my earphones.

P.S. LOTS OF LOVE AND THANKS TO ALL MY FRIENDS WHO LENT ME THEIR SUPPORT AND BELIEVED IN ME ♥ ♥

EDIT: Apparently, the pedo has a supervillain name! The Bishan Gay. If he's always on bus 156 from 3 to 4, then I will see him every day on my way home from school. I swear, I'll get his autograph one day. That is... if I can withstand the kimoi vibes roiling off him in waves.